I Killed a Butterfly in My Sleep

Warning! This post contains:

• one (1) rock, thrown with malicious laziness

• dream-crimes against Lepidoptera, and

• unsolicited Kenny Rogers

Reader discretion is advised. So is patience.

“Oh no!!! Is she … ?”

A moment earlier, everything was peaceful and serene. It was a cool spring morning. I was lying on a quilt my grandma made, listening to the brook running through our backyard. That’s when I saw her.

I had to stretch, but I could just barely see the tips of her wings as they moved slowly in and out of view behind a patch of grass. If you ever see a butterfly flex like this, they’re not just flapping their wings idly. Everything they do has a purpose. This little dance is meant to seduce a worthy suitor. And since I didn’t see any other butterflies around, my ego and I were pretty sure she was putting on a show for us.

But we wanted to see all of her, not just a piece. Something told me to let it be, but I ignored it. Not only that, but I was too lazy to get off my ass, so I picked up a rock and threw it in the general vicinity, hoping the noise would stir the creature into flight. However, instead of throwing a strike on the outer edge of the plate, I accidentally hit the batter. “Oh no!!!”

I didn’t see her moving. “Is she …?”

I jumped up to confirm my suspicion, but it was too terrifying, so I woke up abruptly, breathing heavily, heart pounding.

I basically got kicked out of my dream for being an asshole.

“What the hell does that mean?” I wondered. But honestly, I didn’t want to know, so I decided to phone a friend. I knew my buddy Josh could calm me down. I must have woken him up, because he sounded annoyed; told me to chill. “Buddy, why don’t you roll over to my place and we’ll talk about it,” he relented.

When I got to Josh’s, he made some coffee and we went outside to enjoy the rest of the morning. He had a lovely front yard in a hip neighborhood near Belmont, where I went to school. It was all landscaped with trestles full of flowers, just starting to bloom.

“And then I woke up” were the words floating out of my mouth as I threw my hands up in the air.

Josh’s eyes were as wide as a pregnant woman’s areolas.

I thought I was telling a good story, but that wasn’t it. Spoken word has never been my forté. My mouth has never been patient enough for my mind to catch up. I’m only a decent writer ‘cause I can slow it down enough for my brain to hang.

Back to the story. Before I could say another word, I swear on my grandmother’s grave, a big yellow butterfly fluttered over my right shoulder and landed on my outstretched elbow.

Jaws dropped. Goosebumps sprouted as our neck hair stood erect. We were still as stalagmites.

“I’ve never had one land on me,” I whispered.

A euphoric rush of endorphins surfed my spine and exploded in my skull. My fairy friend must have felt the surge of energy, because her wings began flitting wildly. Her wings accelerated so fast that she began hovering in place. Maybe one of my goosebumps pricked her. Then she flew around my head a few times and floated off.

She had places to be, flowers to fertilize, dreams to catch.

Josh looked like a voyeur caught in the act. I was glad he was watching, though. I needed someone to vouch that I wasn’t still in a dream; that I was consciously participating in reality.

Me: “You’ll have to punch me cause a pinch won’t do!”

“Ow! Dude, I was joking.”

Josh: “See, man, she just dropped in…

[singing]

…to see what condition

your condition was in.”🎵

Me: “Ha!”

Josh: “She wanted to make sure you were all right. She said it’s all good man. Peace out motherfuckaaah.”

I don’t know what it means. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. It was just a dream. Maybe at the time, there was something beautiful just ahead, and I needed to be patient.

Try and capture a delicate thing, and you might crush it.

Spring awakens
The caterpillar cocoons.
Crack! Butterfly dreams

Dan Reeder doesn’t know what it’s about either.

Here’s a short little ditty of his about waking up.

Dream meanings

Btw, my Sunshine Shaman interprets dreams. imi completed her MSc in Clinical Psychology and uses a Jungian approach to dream analysis. Check her out!

My baby butterflies …